WTF!?! – TOFU!!!

Alrighty, I’ll have my Texas passport ripped up and be excommunicated from the Church of the Dead Cow, for treason and blasphemy over this post, but one must do as one must.

I see so many misunderstandings and abuses of this “alternate” protein I must take a stand..

Some common mistakes with tofu:

Using the wrong tofu … First of all use real tofu, not GMO/Frankentofu, it’s ugly enough on its own, lets not have “agri-business” get their hairy little hands into it. Use Organic / Non GMO. Use the appropriate firmness, you want a silky smooth sauce, use silken, otherwise man up and go extra-firm.

Give it some pressure … ALWAYS press your tofu. Open the package, slice the block in half, get a plate line with paper towels, toss half a roll under there. Put the two tofu slices on the wad of paper towels, put the rest of the roll over it put a plate on top of that and add weight. Maybe a bowling ball worth of weight. ( I actually use a gallon jug of water, ~ 8 lb) It will yield an amazing amount of wey.

CUT IT, CUT IT WELL. Most times I half the block on it’s thickness (the smallest dimension) so that pressing will have the greatest effect, and I can coat is something tasty before I deep fry in bacon fat. This also allows one to make decent cubes tobe used in thai dishes.

SEASON THE STUFF, it is tasteless on it’s own. A good marinade, or a dry rub will make even the most disgusting blob of the stuff almost palatable. (Yes, I’ll post some suggestions, besides aging it in a mixture of bourbon, vodka, and tequila, thence throwing out the tofu and drinking the marinade)

COOK IT!!! Toss in some form of starch, bread crumbs, cornstarch, potato starch or the like. (DO SEASON THE STARCH) Then fry or bake, or saute until you have crispy, tasty shell. (Like a fast-food-burger, eat the box and throw away the burger).. Or follow SAS rules and cover everything in some form of fiery sauce.

I’ve been rather tongue-in-cheek on this post, but the principles do apply. Use the right tofu, cut it properly, press it (once pressed one can freeze for more texture), season/coat it and cook properly. It’s NOT a rib-eye, not a fillet, but can be most pleasing to the palate